As it turns out, I’m not a weirdo. Well, I am, if you know me *wink*
But let me explain.
I have always been the odd one out in my family. Nobody likes the things I like, nobody understands me, nobody gets me. I have always felt so alone and lost and “filled with the angst”. My mom and I have had a tumultuous relationship because I never lived up to her expectations or desires as a daughter, and I never will, and that makes her sad. She can’t help the way she feels, and neither can I. I’m the square peg in this round hole called my family.
Well, as I told you guys on Sunday, I just connected with my bio mom, and WOW. Never have I ever felt so close to someone that I have not known and do not remember and only spent a month with when I was freshly out of her womb. (I don’t really want to say “never met” LOL) We have been emailing back and forth a couple times every day, long intense emails with questions and answers, and I have spent so much time laughing and smiling and crying out of happiness and relief. I honestly cannot explain to you in the right words how amazing it feels to know that there is someone out there who is just like me. She called me her carbon copy! And it is true! At least on paper – I’m trying not to get ahead of myself, but it is practically impossible.
I cried for about an hour earlier, just thinking about all the strife I have been through trying to force a mother-daughter relationship with my mom, and how relieved I am to know that all the things I have always been told made me the weird one, the things that made me the wrong and different one, all those things are normal to my bio mom. I feel so great right now.
I want to go on, I want to talk more about this, and I will. Right now, I am so exhausted in so many ways that I can’t even get my thoughts together properly. I just wanted to give you all an update, because the last I left it, I had no clue what was going to happen after I reached out to her. I am so happy and thankful that it has been a positive experience so far, and second only to the births of JI and Squeaks, it is the best thing that has ever happened to me. The coolest part is that I had no expectations! Ever! I never even fantasized about my bio parents as a child, and now that she’s been in my life for four days, I don’t want her to leave.