Square Peg

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As it turns out, I’m not a weirdo. Well, I am, if you know me *wink*

But let me explain.

I have always been the odd one out in my family. Nobody likes the things I like, nobody understands me, nobody gets me. I have always felt so alone and lost and “filled with the angst”. My mom and I have had a tumultuous relationship because I never lived up to her expectations or desires as a daughter, and I never will, and that makes her sad. She can’t help the way she feels, and neither can I. I’m the square peg in this round hole called my family.

Well, as I told you guys on Sunday, I just connected with my bio mom, and WOW. Never have I ever felt so close to someone that I have not known and do not remember and only spent a month with when I was freshly out of her womb. (I don’t really want to say “never met” LOL) We have been emailing back and forth a couple times every day, long intense emails with questions and answers, and I have spent so much time laughing and smiling and crying out of happiness and relief. I honestly cannot explain to you in the right words how amazing it feels to know that there is someone out there who is just like me. She called me her carbon copy! And it is true! At least on paper – I’m trying not to get ahead of myself, but it is practically impossible.

I cried for about an hour earlier, just thinking about all the strife I have been through trying to force a mother-daughter relationship with my mom, and how relieved I am to know that all the things I have always been told made me the weird one, the things that made me the wrong and different one, all those things are normal to my bio mom. I feel so great right now.

wpid-collage_20150419161449026_20150419161532232_20150423220914465.jpgI want to go on, I want to talk more about this, and I will. Right now, I am so exhausted in so many ways that I can’t even get my thoughts together properly. I just wanted to give you all an update, because the last I left it, I had no clue what was going to happen after I reached out to her. I am so happy and thankful that it has been a positive experience so far, and second only to the births of JI and Squeaks, it is the best thing that has ever happened to me. The coolest part is that I had no expectations! Ever! I never even fantasized about my bio parents as a child, and now that she’s been in my life for four days, I don’t want her to leave.

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6 thoughts on “Square Peg

  1. Wow! That is A LOT! I’m sorry that you and your mom have had a rough relationship, but that is so exciting to have found your birth mother! Fingers crossed that you have more happiness coming your way.

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  2. That’s awesome! I was the weird one of the family, but they were my bio parents. Because my sister and I are so SO different, my parents expected me to be like her. My relationship with my mother was always strained until she started to ge to know me for ME.

    Sorry to hear that your adopted mom put you through that. Parents just need to get to know their children for who they are and not who they think they should be.

    I can only imagine your relief!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Scott

    I can’t imagine the feelings (both good and bad) of finding your mother after all this time. Seems like there would be so many questions to ask!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I am happy for you…no one deserves to feel like the odd one out… but at the same time I am sad for your adoptive mother.. she is the one that has raised you.. and you should realize that knowing someone for 4 days does not signify a relationship… I just don’t want your hopes or expectations to get so high that if they are not met you will come crashing down.. I know your adoptive mother loves you even if you have felt the relationship you have with her is a hard one.. she has been the one to raise you.. so don’t be so hard on her.. as a parent we make mistakes and sometimes those mistakes are HUGE mistakes but sometimes our misguided attempts to make sure you stay on the right road is sometimes felt like we are trying to put our kids into some idea we have for them.. but its done out of love.. I hope you get a relationship with your bio mom that you want but don’t leave your adoptive mother behind either..

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh yeah, I have always told my mom that she doesn’t have to worry about me leaving her for my bio mom.
      There’s a lot more to our relationship than just being the odd one out; we’ve struggled my whole life to get along. It is really nice to know that the things she held over my head, things she said made me a bad daughter, etc, aren’t actually bad at all.

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