This post is post is about my adoptive mom vs me and my bio mom, a situation that I am really not too happy to be in right now.
We are having Squeaks baptized at the end of June, and I wanted to invite my bio family because, well, they’re family. I figured my mom would have an issue if I just did it without consulting her first, so I texted her and I said, “Would you be uncomfortable if I invited my bio family?” From that point on, all hope was lost.
She berated me for asking, saying that I never care about her feelings, that having them there is completely inappropriate, that they’re not family and it is nobody’s business that they are in my life. She lambasted me for saying that Texas is a better brother than Scrod (my adopted brother that I grew up with), even though I never said such a thing in person or online. What I did say was that Texas already did more for me on Mother’s Day by wishing me a happy one and saying he loved me than Scrod has done in a while (I didn’t get a Christmas gift or birthday gift or a call or even a card from the kid!). She said that bio mom is making me feel guilty for her giving me up, which is absolutely ridiculous because 1) I don’t feel guilty 2) How could I feel guilty, because I was a baby and 3) Bio mom has been super great about saying that if I need my space she will give me my space, and we have been trying to not overwhelm each other.
After that she launched into how I am a horrible wife, because I can’t get my husband under control (with his depression and mental health issues). I am not a good mother because my son is suffering and confused by everything that is going on (even though she didn’t even believe me that he had any disabilities until about six months ago), and because Poke and I allegedly fight constantly in front of the boys. Sure, JI has seen us fight, but we are definitely not fighting “constantly” because Poke is only here and awake for less than 20 hours a week! We literally don’t even have the time to fight, let alone do it in front of the kids. That’s why we go to counseling!
This afternoon, I received a letter from my mom (in the mail! Even though she came to my house today!) outlining all the ways I’ve made life as an adoptive mother difficult for her, and in the end she said that I am never again to speak to her about the situation. Maybe she was trying to be agreeable, but all the underhanded comments lead me to believe otherwise. I can understand that she may be confused, worried, upset, etc. by this new journey in my life, but I am in no way rubbing it in her face (what there is to rub, exactly, is beyond me) or intentionally making her feel bad. I haven’t even shared everything with her, because I know that some things would hurt her. But because I am a horrible daughter who cares not for her mother’s feelings, I keep some things to myself.
It really sucks that I cannot share my happiness with my mother. She’s seen me struggle with anxiety and some depression my entire life, and one would think that seeing her daughter so happy would be something that makes her happy. Instead she’s making it all about her, and really not looking at it from my point of view. So, I guess from now on I’ll just have to have two separate families. I’m like a kid in an 80s Christmas movie who desperately wants her parents to get along and get together and has attempted all kinds of crazy antics to make it happen. But, in the end, the parents will not get together and life will go on with the new normal.