The Knife in my Back

At the beginning of February, the mothers’ group I belonged to did something amazing for me – they collected $300 and tons and tons of groceries, including personal care items and diapers, for me and my sons. I was shocked and beyond grateful. Nobody had ever done something so nice on such a grand scale before. Yes, I’ve had donations given and friends and family have helped me with bills. On the day these women delivered, my house was literally full, from kitchen to living room, with stuff. I thanked them in our Facebook group over and over for the next several days. I couldn’t believe it happened to me. I used the money to catch up on the utility bills, and with the little bit that was left over, I went out to karaoke one night.

Fast forward about three weeks, and I’m kicked out of the group because two of the three admins have decided that I lied about something menial. Despite giving them proof that I didn’t, they don’t care, and they ban me. I’m shocked. Most of the members are shocked as well, and then I find out that this girl went on a rampage that week that I took off from society and banned a whole bunch of members. So, I didn’t feel so bad. Clearly they are the ones with the problems, and not me. I know I did nothing wrong, and I’m an adult, and I don’t need to prove it to them.

Fast forward another two weeks, and I’ve received my tax return. I paid back my parents, paid the bills current and up through May, gave Poke some money, bought myself a few items of clothing, and got myself a couple of tattoos I’ve been wanting for a very long time. I still have almost 20% of my tax return still sitting in the bank. But here’s what happened: It’s now been about five weeks since those women donated their hard-earned money to my cause, yet someone got wind that I got those tattoos, and they decided that instead of using my own money, I must have used their money to pay for them, to get drunk, and to hire a maid. It doesn’t matter that if I hadn’t gotten that $300 at the beginning of February, I wouldn’t have had electric or gas heat for March, it doesn’t matter that $300 wouldn’t even cover all those things they said I bought, and it doesn’t matter that charity is supposed to be done out of the kindness of your heart without restrictions and expectations.

I was never bullied as a child, and I’ve always been thankful. I had plenty of fodder for which to be bullied, but it never happened. Unfortunately, this left me unprepared for adult life. These women are bullying me hardcore. For almost three days straight they sent me private messages on Facebook, texted me, commented on posts in another mothers’ group and tagged me, and even went so far as to attack me in a public forum on a subject completely unrelated to the situation. It is disgusting. Many, and I mean almost all, of these women claim to be Christians. They talk about loving God and praising Jesus, then turn around and call me a cunt. It’s been incredibly hard on me, even getting to the point where I thought about committing suicide just to get some relief from the emotional pain they were causing me.

Luckily I have real friends I can count on, and when I reached out to them they were there to help me and keep me from going to the dark place. I was able to recover in a matter of hours. I wasn’t going to say anything, but I did, and I’m so glad. They made me realize that there is something seriously wrong with those girls, and that they must truly hate their lives if they need to sit around all day and think about me and my situation. I mean, in the end, I know they’ll never believe me because people would much rather believe the bad than the good. But I know in my heart that I did the right thing, and that’s all that matters.

I wonder what Jesus would think of your behaviour.

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Deposit to the Karma Bank

wpid-collage_20151018193431029.jpgWhen I am feeling poorly, emotionally and spiritually, I will generally head back to church. Unfortunately, Catholicism and small children, especially wild maniacs like JI, do not mix. So, because I have a teeny tiny bit of disposable income, I decided to make up these packs for the homeless/needy. I have been trying to help as many people as I can lately, and so far I have bought groceries for a neighbor, bought JI the special foods he wants (instead of constantly having to say “no”), and have donated a bunch of stuff to the food pantry and women’s shelter. I feel that every good deed I do is a deposit to the Karma Bank, and will help me feel better because I see other people feeling better.

To make a homeless pack is very easy; collect non perishable food, drinks, toiletries, and anything else you can think a person might need (tampons/pads for women, 1-2 diapers, a $5 gift card to fast food, etc.). I put in 2 napkins, a spoon, pop, cereal, a juice box, crackers, floss, shampoo/conditioner, a fruit cup, bottled water, and a drink mix packet. Everything went into a gallon sized zippered freezer bag (they are stronger than regular storage bags), and wrote a sentiment on the label – “You matter to someone. Have a good day! :)”

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I loaded all the bags, eight total, into a large tote to keep in the car so that whenever I see someone on the ramp or the road, I can hand them a bag. I made them over the weekend, and handed out my first pack today. The man said “God bless you” without even looking at it… but hopefully, when he did, he was pleasantly surprised.